Tag Archives: marriage

Infection, Pregnancy and Everything Else

So much has happened over the summer, mostly related to my health.  I had posted a few things about it back in June.  So I’ll briefly recap and then start where I left off with a fairly brief explanation of what happened and how I got to where I am today.  Followed by a few bits and pieces from the rest of the family.

In September of 2017 I had a breast reduction and tummy tuck.  I healed very well from it, recovered and returned to normal activity fairly quickly.  In March of 2018 I noticed a couple small lumps in my right breast.  I made an appointment with the surgeon who did the reduction, and he believed at that time it was just unsettled breast tissue from the reduction.  A month later, I had an unrelated infection of my tonsil.  It was treated with strong antibiotics and steroids and went away just fine.  And so did the small lumps in my breast.  I thought it was just a cool coincidence and went about my life.  But when the antibiotics and steroids were all out of my system, the lumps in my breast came back with a vengeance, and I ended up making another appointment with my surgeon.  He prescribed me a few different antibiotics to try over the course of a month.  The lumps continued to grow.  Then in May, he aspirated some fluid from the area of swelling.  When he got the results back he had me come back in to explain it was a serious bacterial infection in the family of tuberculosis, but in the soft tissue of my breast.  He said it would take months of heavy antibiotic treatment to cure it, and told Jarrod and I to stop trying to get pregnant immediately.  This was on May 30th.  On June 3rd we got our positive pregnancy test.  I was referred to an infectious disease specialist.

So all together, my OBGYN, surgeon, and infectious disease specialist (and home care nurses) have been collaborating to make sure I’ve had the best care for both me and baby for the last few months.  I’ve had two debridement surgeries, and I’ve been on several IV antibiotics, switching every time I develop a reaction or allergy.  I had a PICC line for 6 weeks until I could no longer handle it physically – my body was pushing it out (which the nurse said she’d NEVER seen that happen before).  Once I hit my 2nd trimester I was able to start taking stronger (more risky) antibiotics.  But with that, came a referral to start seeing a perinatologist for the rest of my pregnancy to make sure baby handles it okay.  So… so that makes 4 doctors on my team.

But it seems to all be coming to an end…. FINALLY!  Just this week I was released from seeing the surgeon because I have healed so well since the 2nd surgery, and now that I’m on the proper antibiotics.  I see the infectious disease specialist again in a couple weeks, but I expect he won’t want to see me too often, maybe even just a couple more times, because the surgical open wound will likely be closed by then and the infection truly seems to be extremely minimal if not just about entirely gone.  And once I’m finally released from this illness, I can finally focus more on this joyous pregnancy!

E56B4DCA-96AA-490A-B132-91542CABFCB2Speaking of the pregnancy, everything has gone fantastic despite the infection and antibiotics.  I got a Sneak Peek mail order blood test at 9-10 weeks and they gave us the result it will be a BOY!  Then when we went to see the perinatologist at 16 weeks along and the ultrasound confirmed its a BOY!!  I am currently almost 18 weeks along.  Jarrod and I have a name chosen, but we aren’t telling anyone until he’s born.  We have a detailed anatomy scan coming up around 21 weeks along.  I’m trying to arrange a VBAC, but with the baby’s due date being in February, and my only doctor and delivery center would be 45 minutes away in good weather, I don’t know that it will be a possibility.  But I’m still going to try.

Unfortunately, my health issues kept us from doing much of anything as a family this summer.  Having a PICC line and an open surgical wound all summer kept me from doing anything involving water.  And being pregnant kept me from going on amusement park rides.  The antibiotics have made me feel very weak and nauseated.  So pretty much anything that anyone wanted to do, I was not up for.  Jarrod and I went ahead and let the kids who had the opportunity, go do things with their friends.  And I insisted that he take his girls to the Iowa State Fair without me.  All summer I felt like such a spoil-sport, a wet blanket, and nuisance and inconvenience.  I must say it’s probly been my worst summer ever because of all the guilt I’ve had from keeping the family from having fun just from being sick.  Of course it’s certainly not like I chose to be sick.  I was very much looking forward to going to Adventureland, the Iowa State Fair, and other summer festivities.  I very much hope next summer is much more fun for us all!

There are a few other things that happened this summer too…
– Autumn and Willow moved in with their mom in a town about 90 minutes away.  But they still visit every other weekend.
– Evan went to a residential psychiatric facility to get treatment for his anger and impulse control issues at last!  I’ve been trying to get him help for years, and I’m so very glad to report it’s helping so far!
– Andy is a few short days away from getting his jaw surgery to extend his lower jaw and improve his overbite.
– Jarrod has lost about 60-70 pounds in the last year and has been visiting the bariatric/surgical center that can do excess skin removal – his surgery is pending insurance approval.

And finally, I must say my husband is amazing.  Through all of this illness, all of the bullshit, he has stood by me and supported me through it all.  He’s been my rock, my best friend, my encouragement, my caretaker, and my reason to keep going on.  Thank you so much for everything Jarrod.  I couldn’t have made it without you.  I love you more than you’ll ever know.

Commitment

I truly don’t think people understand or trust in the commitment Jarrod and I share.  Perhaps from an outsider’s point of view it could seem pretty early in our relationship to really know how permanent we will be.  The kids all seem to think we will split, and almost expect it from what I’ve observed.  Our other family members and friends (on both sides) seem to be waiting to have to pick up the pieces of another failed attempt at a relationship.  Jarrod and I have both dated quite a bit in our pasts, with bad results, so in our loved ones’ eyes maybe they don’t trust our permanence together.

Speaking from my own personal experiences, I have been in a few long-term, crappy relationships that were very unstable and obviously ended.  Ended badly, even.  Rumors, destruction, hurt feelings… all the bad things that result from a breakup or divorce.  However, I went on, believing I’d one day have to either stay alone or settle, not believing I’d find “the one” that clicked with me so very well.

As cliche as it may sound, I found my soulmate in Jarrod.  As everyone knows, we met at work, we talked quite a lot during our shifts together, and became friends.  I was in an abusive relationship, so it didn’t go any further until I ended that abusive relationship.  And again, yes, we moved VERY quickly.  Putting the impression out there to people that we were being foolish and rash, that our passion would fizzle out.  But what no one knows is what went on (and continues to go on) behind closed doors.  What no one knows is the deep, cosmic, almost unbelievable connection Jarrod and I share on every level of our existence.

You see, Jarrod and I have spent countless hours talking.  We have talked about the connection we share, which neither of us believed was even something that could exist.  We have talked about our pasts.  We have talked about our experiences with family, friends, work, and EVERYTHING in between.  We have talked about just about every topic there is to talk about, no matter how bad or embarrassing.  We have spent nearly 24 hours together every day for the entire last 10 months, and we never shut up when we’re together.  If we run into something we don’t agree on, we may take a few hours to collect our thoughts, but then we talk that out too.  And the passion…. well it has not only stuck around, but it has gotten stronger.  He and I both feel like we found the other half of ourselves, and as co-dependent as it may be, neither of us can imagine what life would be like without the other.  We are each other’s best friend.  We are a true match for one another.  And personally, I cannot imagine being even a fraction as happy with anyone else by my side.

So when people are lingering, watching, waiting for the other shoe to drop, I have one of two attitudes at any given moment.  Either I think its ironic and funny, and I know we will prove everyone wrong one day by staying together until we are old and feeble… and die.  Or I get annoyed and almost hurt that people don’t understand the commitment we share.  I don’t know how I could expect anyone to see it I suppose, after all, nearly no one really takes marriage or monogamy seriously anymore.  But hear me and really believe me when I say: there is no way on this earth or any other that anything will tear apart what Jarrod and I have together.  We are in this together forever.  Divorce isn’t an option for either of us.  Being with anyone else physically or emotionally isn’t an option for either of us.  And even though neither of us are religious people, there is some deeper, spiritual reason for us to be together.  We both felt it the moment of our first hug.  We sort of melted into each other, and that feeling has only gotten more intense over time.  Our “potential mate” radars have been shut off, because they are no longer needed.  We found each other after what seems like an overly-extended waiting period, and we are making up for lost time.  Our quickness to be together, to get married, to have babies together… it all comes from the fact that we believe we were meant to be together all along, and we just missed it somewhere along the way before last year.  And now that we found each other at long last, it all fits together.  He is my everything.

The point is, there is no need to wait and see anymore.  There is no need to expect the worst.  There is no worry of rocky roads ahead or divorce.  Sure, we will disagree on things from time to time.  But we are close enough, love and respect each other enough to know to just give each other time, and we always work through it.  We are each other’s top priority.  That will never change.  Never.  So rest easy dear loved ones, just as we do, that this is a permanent commitment.  Our hearts and lives are so filled with love, we could not imagine or desire for anything different.

Laugh!

You might think that the life of a blogger is a non-stop series of sexy, celebrity-attended parties, a virtual whirlwind of drug and alcohol-fueled insanity that even famed raconteur Hunter S. Thompson might call excessive.  And you’d be right about that.  Nevertheless, sometimes we are called upon to do actual work, and be “responsible”.  And there has been a lot of that nonsense lately, which not only makes it hard to find the time and energy to write a blog post, but also tends to make life a little tedious…which, in turn, causes tempers to flare, motivation to dwindle, and attitudes and moods to turn to crap.  This time of year doesn’t help, either.  Winter shouldn’t even be a thing; the only thing that winter accomplishes is to make you appreciate summer a little more, which is a pretty substantial accomplishment considering summer also really, really sucks.  Really.  Sucks.  And don’t trust anyone who tries to tell you that it doesn’t.  (The views of Jarrod are not necessarily those of HesseLane or its subsidiaries).

But all is not lost.  Even though life, work, the very seasons of the planet upon which we live may all be trying to to rip out your soul, crumple it up and cram it into the nearest rubbish bin, you can still maintain your insanity by taking a more whimsical approach to the nightmarish hellscape we’re forced from birth to navigate and finding things to be amused by.  For example, I don’t really enjoy working; not just my job in particular, but ANY job.  In general, I can think of many, many thousands of things I’d rather be doing than working.  What I need is for someone to just send me large sums of money every so often, with no expectation that I’m ever going to provide any service to them in exchange for it.  Yeah, that’s what I need.

But until someone sees fit to do that, I have to work.  And since I do, it’s pretty helpful that I work with Shauna.  Not only do we work together, but he have practically the same schedules.  Sometimes that isn’t a good thing (more on that never).  Usually it IS a good thing, and here’s why:  we make each other laugh.  I’m one of those people who is constantly finding things amusing but rarely laughs out loud.  If I had a nickel for everytime I’ve typed “lol” and actually lol’d, I’d have, oh, about zero dollars and zero cents.  However, Shauna makes me laugh till I cry, and she does it pretty effortlessly.  From day one, she’s just kind of instinctively known what my sense of humor is and is able to tap into it…and I think the reason she has such an easy time with that is because it pretty seamlessly matches up with her own sense of humor.  Never does this particular connection between us come in more handy than when we’re at work, a place neither of us really want to be and which can sometimes put us both in a crappy mood.  Just the other night we were at work, and for some reason we began talking about cooking apple pies in the fryer.  Shauna escalated the absurdity of the conversation a little, and then I did, and then she did again, and soon were talking about dumping a whole box of apple pies in the fryer and then fishing them out with the baskets.  In that moment the zaniness of it all made me laugh uncontrollably, until tears were streaming down my face.  And it occured to me that I was getting paid to stand there and laugh myself silly.  Which I found myself very ok with.

Recently we were sitting in our bedroom when my youngest daughter Willow wandered in.  She was wearing leggings, and the tag on the back was annoying her; she wanted to know if I would cut the tag off.  A lot of times, you can just yank those tags off without the need for scissors or anything; they’re designed to just be ripped off.  maxresdefaultSo I grabbed the tag and attempted to dispose of it once and for all.  Unfortunately, it was attached a bit more securely than I had given it credit for, and, rather than ripping the tag off, I lifted Willow completely off the ground, giving her an ultrawedgie in the process.  The tag finally came off, but brought a giant chunk of the fabric from the butt of her leggings with it.  As I sat there in bed holding the tag with the lonely piece of fabric attached to it, and looking at the gaping hole in the butt of the leggings (big enough for Willows entire butt to fit through), I could have been annoyed that I had just ruined a perfectly good article of clothing.  But Shauna was laughing hysterically, as was Willow, and at that point, what could I do?  I laughed, gentle reader…I laughed.  And that’s all I’m saying.

A Year Of Change

For me, 2017 started in a very stressful, dark way. The photos I posted of the party with my friends is only what I put out there. It was not the whole truth of the night… not even remotely. You see, I was in an abusive relationship. I had made it clear I wanted to spend that time with the guy I was seeing, but when he refused, I decided to spend time with my friends. So in return, he was blowing up my phone with absurd, wildly inaccurate accusations, insults, and shaming for enjoying a night without him, and more so, a night with people other than him. I was miserable. And yet I allowed it to continue.

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Happy New Year! 2017

A month later, in February, I lost the job I loved as a Veterinary Assistant. I had finally been able to get to the cause for my chronic hip pain, and a diagnosis of a permanent and progressive condition (hip dysplsia) was enough for my boss to fire me. Legal? Probly not. It was discrimination for a disability. Especially since I had requested a very reasonable and possible accommodation and was refused.  But the fact was, I couldn’t do the job the same anymore. I couldn’t be on my feet for 8 hours, and so I was let go to pursue other avenues.

At the end March I had my first skin removal surgery, my Panniculectomy, followed by a 6-week recovery period. During my healing process I was actively looking for a job, including attending several interviews. All I could really find where I didn’t have to be on my feet all day was office work. Tele-sales, mostly. I interviewed at 3 or 4 different places and none of them offered me a job, saying I needed direct sales experience. After just so long, and so many refusals, I started widening my options. I started applying at places I’d have to stand but could be accommodated. Pizza Hut was one of those places. I figured being a delivery driver, not only would I be able to sit (driving) most of the time, but I could also be outside, and not have to stay in a stuffy building day after day.

In June I was hired by Pizza Hut as a driver, which is where I’m still working today. It’s a fun, laid-back atmosphere most days. The management isn’t too strict, and the majority of the customers are pretty chill. I definitely have the flexibility to accommodate the hip pain and still earn a paycheck, and that’s what matters to me.

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Me, at the Freedom Rally – July 2017

In July, after months of persuading him, I was allowed to go to the Freedom Rally with the guy I was seeing.  The rally itself was a blast, but it was then I finally realized I needed to get away.  Why it took me nearly a year for that to actually click in my head, I’m not sure.  But it was then that it did.  I deeply enjoyed the weekend – the atmosphere, the bikes, the concerts, and everything else the rally had to offer.  But I knew that when the weekend was over, it was time to start planning the end of that relationship.  It took me a few weeks to finally build up the nerve to do it because I knew he would be very harsh, loud, threatening, and insulting…. but one night in August I told him it was over, and that he needed to move out.  It was a very dramatic 3-4 days, but once all of his stuff was moved out, I was free to be myself again, and my boys were free to be themselves again.  A big sigh of relief.

The next day, I confessed my attraction to a co-worker of mine…. one I had been talking to and building a very strong friendship with.  That co-worker just happened to be Jarrod – so as you can see, that turned out well!  🙂 In less than 10 days of non-stop texting and spending every waking moment together (which was a lot because we couldn’t shut up long enough to sleep much), we ran off to Colorado and got married.  Our families and friends really didn’t get it, and they likely still don’t, but we both KNEW within the first 48 hours that we were meant to be together.  We’ve never been so sure of anything in our lives.

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Just Married!

When we got back from Colorado, I had another skin removal surgery.  This time a revision of my Panniculectomy and a breast reduction.  And then Jarrod and his 3 daughters moved in with me and my 3 sons.  Over the last 4 months its been an interesting set of challenges blending our families.  And though there will likely always be some sort of “us vs. them” mentality between the boys and the girls, it is certain all 6 of the kids can see the love and respect Jarrod and I have for one another, and that has brought about a level of acceptance that has made everyone settle in pretty well.

Our families have now celebrated Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas together.  Blended.  Successfully, with very little opposition.  No big arguments.  No family feuds.  And now we are about to end 2017, and begin 2018 together.  A new year.  New challenges and goals.  A new chapter.

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Thanksgiving 2017

The year started off dark and hopeless, and has ended completely the opposite – bright and hopeful!  My family has doubled in size, and the man I am sharing my life with is my best friend.  We laugh together, dream together, complain about the same stuff together, plan for our future together, and spend every waking (and sleeping) moment by each other’s side.  And I wouldn’t have it any other way.


Other happenings in 2017:
– Surgery on my back to remove a lump
– Traveled to St. Augustine, FL, and back home north through Ohio and back west to Iowa, hitting 14 states en route.
– Attended a Pop Evil Concert
– Got my voodoo doll tattoo (by Barron @ Hot Rod’s in Newton, IA)
– Moved back to Newton out of Otley
– My friend Amber got veeery sick, but then got better after a couple months.
– I had a Panniculectomy (tummy tuck)
– Attended a Highly Suspect concert
– Attended a Def Leppart / Tesla / Poison concert
– Threw Andy a birthday party – age 15!
– Attended a Stone Sour concert
– Got hired at Pizza Hut
– Attended the Freedom Rally
– Threw Evan a birthday party – age 13!
– Took the boys to Adventureland
– Set off our own fireworks legally on the 4th of July
– Threw a birthday party for Cory – age 12!
– Witnessed a solar eclipse.
– Ended a very bad relationship.
– Attended the Rocky Horror Picture Show reunion
– Traveled to Colorado and saw the Rockies for the first time AND…
– Fell madly in love and got married to the best man ever!
– Became a grandma!
– I had a Panniculectomy revision (tummy tuck again), and a breast reduction
– Went to Chicago with Jarrod for an entire weekend for RiotFest
– Also in Chicago, visited the Gallagher house (Shameless)
– Got matching tattoos with Jarrod
– Started dreadlocks
– Took Evan to his first concert to see Hollywood Undead
– Got a Halloween tattoo (and so did Jarrod)
– Took all the kids trick-or-treating
– Went to a Highly Suspect concert again. 🙂
– Hosting a very LARGE family Thanksgiving
– Attended a Seether concert
– Spent weeks planning Christmas gifts for the family and making the purchases.
– Started this joint blog with my dear hubby
– Celebrated not only one, but TWO successful Christmases with our whole family
– I got my lip pierced twice (snakebites)
– And finally…. NYE at home with the family!

Shauna’s 30 Days of Thankful

So, in November I did the 30 days of thankful on my Facebook profile.  I got behind a couple times, but I did end up doing every single day.  I thought I’d just compile them here all in one place:

IMG_1340Day #1 – I am thankful for my sons. These wonderful humans that made me a mother. Every single one of them is so unique, individual, loving, intelligent, and amazing. My life is so rich, having them be a part of it.

Day #2 – I am thankful for my vehicle. With such a big family, with all our appointments and the need for rides to school and work, it’s VERY needed. I’ve gone times in my life without wheels, and having them makes life so much easier.

Day #3 – I am thankful for my bird, Snickers. I never thought myself to be a bird person, but when she decided I was her human, it opened a whole new part of pet-human companionship that I had never experienced. I love it!

Day #4 – I am incredibly thankful for my husband. We had both been through a lot of bad relationships when we found each other, which made our appreciation for one another so much more! He’s the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I don’t even want to imagine what my life would be without him. I love you so much, Jarrod!

Day #5 – I am thankful for the internet. It seems like a pretty broad thing to be thankful for, but without it I wouldn’t have met many of my friends who I have contact with every day, and I wouldn’t know about most of the goings-on in the world around me.

Day #6 – I am thankful for TV/film entertainment. I have watched way too many TV shows and movies to count, resulting in days, weeks, even months of my life of entertainment. Its been a way to bond with people, have things to talk about together or something to do together. Its also been a good way to entertain myself when I’m alone. They have taught me lessons about life, opened my mind to new ideas, or just made me laugh.

Day #7 – I am thankful to have my freedom of speech. To be able to say what I want not only on public forums, but within my family, group of friends, and in my own home. I hold some pretty controversial opinions on some topics, and a lot of my beliefs are not mainstream whatsoever. I am thankful to be able to be myself, without fear.

IMG_0058Day #8 – I am thankful for our new washer and dryer. Never have new appliances been so needed or appreciated in my home. We had used ones for years, and they never worked the way they should, with the most recent ones leaking water everywhere all the time. Thanks to a rent-to-own place, we were able to get a brand new pair and they are heavenly!

Day #9 – I am thankful that I have been able to make it to about 96% of all my kids’ events. Whether they were sports games, concerts, parent-teacher conferences, meetings, etc. Not all parents are able to take time away from work or other obligations to be able to do so. I am very grateful to have been able to.

Day #10 – I am thankful for my mom. Since birth she has been my best friend. She has taught me how to be a woman… she’s taught me how to be independent, how to stand up for myself and do what’s right. How to follow my own dreams, and also how to be an awesome mom, myself. Along with a million other things I could never possibly list here. Thank you for giving me life, mom!

Day #11 – I am thankful for the opportunity to be a step-mom. It’s an opportunity I’ve never had before. It’s not always easy, but I love it! Zoey, Autumn and Willow are all such beautiful, individual, and unique young ladies, and I’m proud and blessed to be a part of their lives.

Day #12 – I am thankful for my job. I may hate it sometimes, and I may feel under-appreciated. But I get to work with Jarrod (which we both LOVE), and I get to deliver rather than being stuck in a building during my shifts. Not to mention, time away from home is sometimes much needed, as I’ve discovered these last few years of no longer being a stay-at-home-mom.

Day #13 – I am so very thankful for the blessing of being in Malia’s life pretty much from the start. I never dreamed I’d be a grandma so early (and I’m glad it’s not my young boys that made me that way), but I am so very blessed to have a beautiful, cheerful, amazing granddaughter. And of course to call her momma my step-daughter.

Day #14 – I am thankful for being able to go see my favorite bands LIVE in concert. Seeing live shows is so much better than listening to music on the radio or iTunes. Seeing the passion for the music in the band members and the fans is priceless. Jarrod and I are going to see a sold out Highly Suspect show tonight, which I’ve had the tickets for since July, and I’m so excited to see them again!!

Day #15 – I am thankful for independence from others. Depending on others has very rarely ever turned out in my favor, so having independence now, Jarrod and I together, is quite refreshing. All our bills, utilities and expenses are 100% covered by US now, no one else.

Day #16 – Jarrod is getting a second day of thankfulness from me. We have been through a LOT these last few days, and rather than take that stress and turn on each other, we have stuck together and become a stronger team, he and I against the world. That kind of amazing strength and dedication deserves its own mentioning and recognition. Jarrod, you are absolutely amazing. I am so thankful for you, and I love you.

Day #17 – I am thankful for my newfound ability to laugh at myself.  I was far too uptight and wrapped up in my anxiety and self-esteem issues, for far too long.  Now I feel confident and content with life and am able to find humor in the things I do.

Day #18 – I am thankful that I no longer feel obligated to make wither gift-giving a big deal.  I made an agreement with my boys a few years ago that we will celebrate big for birthdays and go smaller for “Christmas.”  Takes the burden off the winter budget and gives everyone their own special day.  Its perfect for us all.

Day #19 – I am thankful to have a great big bathtub!  I have never been one to enjoy baths all that much, but since I lost weight AND have a big bathtub, it’s quite relaxing.  I love it!

Day #20 – I am thankful for the changing seasons.  I don’t like midwestern winters, but the colors of the falling leaves in Autumn, the blankets of fresh, white snow on the ground (seeing it out my window), and the fresh newness of emerging leaves and flowers in the spring are pretty great to witness.  All things I’ll likely miss once I move to a warmer climate.

Day #21 – I am thankful for my mother-in-law, Connie.  Not only did she raise the wonderful man who became my husband, but she is also always so generous and helpful, and awesome grandma, and a great cook!

Day #22 – I am thankful for the team of people, professional, family, friends, and even online strangers, who have supported me for the last 22 months of my weight loss journey.  I was able to go from a very unhealthy weight, where I couldn’t even tie my shoes very easily or walk across my home without losing my breathe, to being so comfortable in my own body that I could go for a job (if only my hips would allow me to do so), and wear a 2-piece swimsuit in public.  It’s been a short and drastic change, and I’m still adjusting, but I feel SO MUCH BETTER, and I’ll be forever thankful for all the support I’ve had.  I couldn’t have done it without.

Day #23 – I am so very thankful for the entire family!  We had quite a large turnout today for our Thanksgiving, and I’m thankful for each and every one who came to share the day and good food.

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Day #24 – I am thankful for the times we get to spend together as a family.  As the kiddos become teenagers, they want less and less family time, and more independence.  So the times we have all together are precious.

Day #25 – I am thankful for the education I have gotten from school, from life experiences, and from research I’ve done myself.  I am ever-curious about the things that affect my life and the lives of those I’m closest with, and I’m thankful to have the brain power to be able to learn about and understand those things.

Day #26 – I am thankful for all the bad times, trauma, and sickness I have experience and been around.  If it wasn’t for the bad times, I wouldn’t see the priceless value in all the good in life.

Day #27 – I am thankful for the ability to pay my bills and support my family.  It has not ever been easy for me, but I finally was able to get past enough of my anxiety to hold a job and contribute more than I ever thought I would.  I am also thankful for those who have helped me along the way, during the times I was unable to help myself.

Day #28 – I am thankful for the awesome weather!  Having an extended autumn is great, as I really dislike the cold of winter.  It’s been great to be able to do my job, run errands, and do yard work without freezing!

Day #29 – I am thankful for all the family and friends I have lost… thankful for the time I was blessed with, with them.  There have been some amazing people who have left this life far too early, and I learned quite a lot from each and every one of them, both in their lives, and in the loss of them.  Their memories with be forever treasured.

Day #30 – I am thankful for my life.  ALL of it.  The good, the bad.  The troubles, the joys.  The friends, lovers, enemies, haters, the best and the worst of times.  All of my experiences have molded me into person I am today, and I love the woman I have become.

2 Months

It has been two whole months.  Two months since my husband and I tied the knot after being together for only 8 days.  And two months since I had my final weight loss related surgery.

I couldn’t possibly ask for a better husband and example of a real man for my boys.  I knew immediately when we confessed our feelings to each other that he would be my forever, and that feeling has only gotten stronger every single day since then.  He’s the best friend I’ve ever had!  We lay awake at night and talk about everything.  We intend often to watch TV or a movie, get housework done together, or take care of other errands, and often it gets put on the back burner to our conversations, or the conversations continue through it all.  We are attached at the hip and prefer to do anything we need to do, together.  We even prefer to work the same shifts together at work, just to be in each other’s presence.  We understand and are comfortable with each other on the deepest level.  I’ve honestly never felt anything like this before, and it’s the best!  He is wonderful with my kids, and they become more and more open to him each day.  His kids are pretty awesome as well, and I love how our family is blending.  Jarrod is my heart, my soul, my life.  This is my forever, and I couldn’t be happier or more content.

As far as my surgical recovery and body image goes, I’m quite satisfied now!  I started my weight loss journey in January of 2016 at 270 pounds.  Around summer of 2016 I had already lost enough weight to disqualify myself from bariatric weight loss surgery by getting down to around 230 pounds.  I had changed my lifestyle enough to take off the weight myself, by eating less fat and carbs, more protein, and cutting out sugary soda.  Then once I reached about 225 pounds I qualified for skin removal surgery, and got approved for my Panniculectomy (tummy tuck) in March 2017, which is when it was done.  I wasn’t satisfied with the results as it healed because I still had quite a bit of sag, my bellybutton was off-center, and a couple other details I was dissatisfied with.  So when I had my breast reduction and lift on September 1st, I was able to get my tummy tuck revised.  Now it’s been two months since I had that last surgery, and though nothing is perfect, I am VERY satisfied with my results.  I am now hovering right around 200 pounds, and still want to lose about 15.  I haven’t had the willpower to just buckle down and take off that last 15 yet, but I know I will and am not too concerned with it anyway.  I’m happy with the way I look now, with the way my clothes fit, and with my appearance in the mirror. Really, I feel I just need to tone up now.  I’m very proud of myself for having come this far without bariatric surgery.  And I plan to continue this healthier lifestyle forever.  I NEVER want to gain that weight back.  I have so much less body ache and pain now, I am more flexible and don’t lose my breath going up and down stairs, I have more stamina and am all around a much happier person.  I love it.

Two months since my life made some permanent changes for the better.  I am so happy to have had these opportunities come to me, and to have been able to grab ahold of them.  I am so happy with my life!

So In Love!

Throughout my life I have involved myself in a few romantic relationships.  Some seemed good at first and withered.  Some were bad from the start but I settled anyway.  Some were out of loneliness or desperation.  Some were out of boredom and the desire for company.  But ultimately, none of them worked out in the long run.

There’s that saying “someday someone will come along that will make you understand why it never worked out with anyone else.”  I always wanted to believe that, but thought it to be a fantasy; an inspirational quote to keep people’s spirits up.  Until it happened to me.

And now, now there’s this guy Jarrod, and he’s like no one I’ve ever met before.  It started off very casually, working together and associating with each other only at work.  But as time went on, we talked more and more during our shared shifts.  We discovered through our conversations that we have been through a lot of the same troubles in relationships, parenting, just life in general.  We discovered that we have the same beliefs on the big things, like religion and politics.  We share a very similar parenting style, with a great love and appreciation for our children and family.

Then we started talking and spending time together outside of work once my ex and I split up, which is where things started to move very quickly.  Days have blended together, nights have flown by, just talking and discussing our lives, and finding strong similarities at every turn, which is still continuing today.  It was sudden, and crazy, but we know with absolute certainty that this will be forever.  Kindred spirits, soul mates.  There’s no denying it.  The similarities, the comfort we find in one another, the deepest unexplainable connection we share.  Being with him makes me realize why it never worked with anyone else, for real.  No fantasy.  And he feels the same way.  It feels like we were born for each other.

We have had our children all spend time together which went well, as we both expected it to go.  And we are moving quickly on moving in together.  And the big news – we ran off to Colorado and got married on August 30th!  Because face it, life is too short and unexpected things happen, and neither one of us wanted to waste time getting wrapped up in overthinking and hesitation over something we both know will certainly last the rest of our lifetime.  We had a very private ceremony – only the 2 of us, and later on will throw a wedding for all of our friends and family… likely on our 1- or 2-year anniversary.

The trip was great! I had never been to Colorado, and Jarrod hadn’t been in many years. We drove there and back, and stayed in a beautiful bed and breakfast called Meadow Creek Mountain Lodge.  It’s just southwest of Denver.  The bed and breakfast had a hot tub, a heavenly king sized bed, and the owner was a pretty great guy too, and made a wonderful breakfast for us.  We were able to run around Denver a bit and shop for our rings, and have supper there in Denver.  Then we enjoyed alone time and slept in before we had to head back to Iowa.

We have both agreed to put this blog post out there for the public because we both know there will be people in our lives who will not understand why we would move so fast, or make such a crazy, bold, impulsive decision.  We are both very aware that is what we are doing.  But we are here to say that it is OUR decision to make, and we would love your support and understanding, whether or not you understand our reasoning.  We are very thrilled with our decision, and don’t regret a thing!