Tag Archives: family

Privacy

Over the last many years I’ve personally participated in social media, for the vast majority of my experiences, I have been a pretty public person.  I enjoyed the attention, and even strived for more followers/friends/connections.  However, nowadays, it seems the more public I am with my life, whether it be good or bad experiences I’m sharing, I get negative feedback.  Mostly from strangers.  Sure, I get good feedback too, mostly from long-time friends… and I truly appreciate it.  But the bad feedback I get hurts.  And honestly, I have enough going on in my life that I don’t feel I have room for the any of the negativity.

There are extended family members and exes of both of ours that have nothing but negative to say about our life together, and us as individuals.  I know a couple that follow us just to badmouth us.  And ya know, people are all entitled to their opinions.  But when they feel the need to share those opinions, or intentionally start rumors about us that are so obviously not true, just to hurt us in one way or another… well it’s incredibly unnecessary.  If those people are so miserable in their own lives, I don’t see how it’s going to make them feel better to try to bring us down.

My point here is, I’m done playing the game.  I’m done publicly fueling the fire.  From now on, my posts will be private – shared only with those I know, and who I know care about us for more than their bitter amusement.  I am choosing to surround myself with a positive circle of people, and no one else.  Jarrod and I are pretty happy in our little family bubble, and anyone allowed into that at this point should consider themselves fortunate.  My personal Facebook and Instagram will be private from now on, and my personal blog is being closed.  Anything I post HERE from now on will be password protected, and the passwords will be given to those I choose.

Even to me this seems like a pretty drastic step to take, but I’ve been simmering in it for a while, trying to decide which path to take.  And I think closing out the negativity, and the public, is the best way to go.

Special Announcement!

In my last blog, I wrote in some detail about our trip to Oklahoma and the vasectomy reversal surgery I had while there.  In the opening stages of the surgery, Dr. Wilson looked at a fluid sample and informed me that my sperm had heads, but no tails.  Not a huge deal; such things are to be expected 3 years after having had a vasectomy.  After the surgery I could again start producing healthy, mobile sperm that were able to get where they needed to go, but it would take approximately 3 months for everything to be at full capacity.  The chances of getting pregnant before then would be fairly slim…after all, without tails, the sperm can’t really go anywhere.  Armed with this information, Shauna and I returned home and figured we’d be able to start actively trying to get pregnant around September or so.

That was on May 16th.  Flash forward to June 3rd.  I had gone to work that morning at 8 AM, and left Shauna in bed sleeping.  On days such as this, I return home around 9:30 to pick Shauna up and we both go back to work to finish getting the store open.  On this particular day I was going about my business at work when Shauna texted me and asked if I would have a few minutes to talk when I went to pick her up.  I said I would, then went and finished whatever task I was working on and headed home.  When I pulled up, Shauna was sitting outside on the steps waiting for me; my assumption was that she wanted to vent about one of the kids or something.  She, in fact, did want to talk about one of the kids…the one that’s growing inside of her.

You see, she had taken a pregnancy test that morning and it was very, very clearly positive.  I was not surprised at all that she was pregnant; I always assumed that, even with the decreased odds because of our surgeries, we’d have good luck.  I was quite blown away, however, at how fast it happened.  Conception occured 5 days after my surgery.  It’s almost as if the universe took a good long look at me and said “you know, there just needs to more of THAT around, and I don’t think anyone should have to wait for it, either.  I’m gonna give the people what they don’t even know they want, and I’m gonna give it to them now!”  And with that, I was able to impregnate Shauna months before any medical common sense would have dictated that I’d be able to.  She was pregnant a week and a half before I was even medically cleared to begin attempting intercourse, for crying out loud.  The surreal, mind-exploding QUICKNESS of it all was pretty much the only thing I could think about, not only that day but for several days afterward.  It honestly seemed a little too good (and fast) to be true, so we decided that we would wait to tell anyone until Shauna had an ultrasound confirming that it was a healthy, viable pregnancy.  We sat on this bombshell for 2 weeks until finally, today, we went to Shauna’s ultrasound appointment and got the news we were waiting for:  the baby is right where it needs to be and is right on target as far as growth.  We were even able to see the heartbeat today.

With this confirmation, and with now having told the kids, we are now able to officially announce to the world that we are indeed pregnant.  We’re both extremely excited, but it still seems strangely unreal.  Shauna and I have both the spent the last several years thinking that our days of having babies were over, and even though we’ve went to considerable effort over the last several months to make this happen, it hasn’t quite sunk in yet.  Again, we knew we’d eventually be pregnant…but not after 5 days!  I’m sure it’ll become more real as we go to more appointments, begin to acquire more baby stuff and get prepared for The Arrival.  One thing is for sure: this baby is already as loved and wanted right now, today, as it will be on the day it is born.  I’m beyond excited to be a dad to a baby again.  I’m good at it.

The Reversal

I could razzle dazzle you with all manner of linguistic gymnastics to explain why I haven’t written a new blog in literally months, but it would just be an elaborate smokescreen, you see, to obscure the truth, which is that I was simply too lazy to write one.  There has no been shortage of things to write about, as you will soon see, and in fact the sheer volume of goings-on around here is proving a little overwhelming; it’s been so long since I’ve written anything, and so much has transpired in the meantime, that I’m not altogether sure how to tackle this thing.  I guess we’ll figure it out, or not, together.

I’m going to try to keep this particular post contained more or less to one subject, because otherwise it’s doomed to become an unwieldy, lumbering behemoth.  Besides, there are many things, good and not so good, happening around here, all of which are worthy of their own post.  Throwing too much into this one would just dilute their individual significance.  I know better than to promise anything with regards to how frequently I’m going to write new posts, but I will say that I INTEND to write more often, and give all these things the attention they deserve.  For now, I’m sure you will be delighted to know that the subject of this one will be the loose, dangly collection of objects I carry around with me wherever I go: my testicles.

You see, on the way back from Colorado (where we got married, you’ll remember), Shauna and I discussed at length what it would be like to have kids together.  It really just amounted to a fun conversation to help pass the time during the long car ride; after all, we had both had the necessary procedures to prevent us from ever being able to have more kids.  In order for us to have kids together, it would involve both of us having surgeries to reverse those procedures, which would involve a lot of money, travel, and recovery time…at the end of which we would have diminished odds of actually conceiving, anyway.  We ended the conversation by basically saying sure, it would be awesome to have kids together, but we simply met each other too late in life for that to happen.  The subject didn’t really come up again until this spring, when we were laying in bed and one or the other of us said something, and the other one said something back, and next thing you know we were on a plane to North Carolina to get Shauna’s tubes untied.

We scheduled my vasectomy reversal at a clinic (brilliantly named “The Reversal Clinic”) in the town of Muskogee, Oklahoma – a town immortalized in the classic song “Okie From Muskogee” by Merle Haggard.  Because of my love for this song, I had high hopes that we were headed for a town where even squares can have a ball; where they still wave Old Glory down at the courthouse, and where white lightnin’s still the biggest thrill of all.  Instead, we drove into this shithole town during one of the most vicious rainstorms I’ve seen in all my born days, and the only bad thing about that is that the whole town didn’t get washed out to sea in the process.  There were so many things to dislike about the city of Muskogee, OK that for me to dig too deep into it would threaten to overtake this entire post, but suffice it to say that, you know, maybe don’t go there.  Unless you want a cheap vasectomy reversal.

Anyway, my surgery was done by one Dr. Wilson, who was kind of a weird guy, and in fact the whole experience was kind of weird.  Shauna and I walked into the clinic to find not a single soul to greet us, but instead a note saying someone would be with us soon.  Eventually Dr. Wilson showed up, got me checked in, then retreated to the back to put on scrubs and get the procedure underway.  This seemingly one-man operation did not immediately feel me with confidence that my nards were about to literally be in the hands of a qualified professional, but I decided to go with the flow because YOLO, I guess.  I was awake for the procedure (a local anesthetic was used to numb the area) and Shauna was allowed to be in the room with me.  From her vantage point she was able to see a lot of what was going on (I, thankfully, could not).  Fortunately she has a healthy curiosity and interest in such things and the sight of my scrotum flayed open like a butterflied pork chop didn’t gross her out.  The whole thing took about 90 minutes or so, and then we were on our way.  Dr. Wilson, I salute you, wherever you may be.AFE93127-DABE-40FE-9DA8-D683465B8A6E (1)

We stopped at a pharmacy to pick up a couple prescriptions, and then went to the bed and breakfast where we were to spend the night.  It was good, not great; by Muskogee standards it was probably the Ritz, but Shauna and I are from Newton, IA where perfection is demanded and bullshit of any kind is NEVER tolerated.  The next morning we got on the road and headed home.  The recommended healing time before attempting “relations” was two weeks, and I don’t mind telling you that we have stuck unyieldingly to that medical advice, being the responsible adults that we are and whatnot.  We’re both realistic about our expectations…and to be sure, they are tempered a bit by other things going on, particularly health issues that Shauna is currently dealing with.  Now that I’m more or less healed, I can absolutely say that I am incredibly happy that Shauna and I went through all of this.  It was pretty overwhelming at times (the general tone of this post doesn’t really let you know some of the actual anguish we had to go through to make all of this happen, but as they say, we laugh so that we don’t cry).  I’m glad it’s all done, I’m beyond excited to be able to have another kid (or kids), and there is no one on Earth who I’d rather go on this journey with.  Shauna…you are amazing.

The Follow-Up

Earlier this week I had my tubal reversal follow-up appointment with the doctor I chose to be my OBGYN here in our hometown, Dr. Johnson.  He’s new to the clinic, and has quite a lot of experience in his field.

To back up a little bit, I did have a consultation with him before my tubal reversal.  I wanted to get a check up with a doctor and discuss my overall health and age in regards to going through another pregnancy or more.  He informed me at that time that a tubal reversal is not a simple surgery that I will have an easy time finding a doctor for (he didn’t know I was looking into Dr. Monteith yet), and that it wasn’t cheap.  He recommended I look into in vitro instead.  He also said that natural fertility decreases after age 35, and even more after 40…  And that there is a risk with pregnancy after c-section (which I’ve had 2), no matter how long it had been.  That the scar tissue can cause a problem with placenta attachment, and even embryo attachment.  He wasn’t necessarily discouraging me from being pregnant, but he was laying out all the risks for me, which is exactly what I wanted.  No nonsense.  I told him I was already looking into a specialist to reverse my tubal, and he wished me good luck.

To Jarrod and I went to North Carolina, as I’ve already written about.  We had a fantastic experience with Dr. Monteith at A Personal Choice, and he sent my surgical records and after-care instructions to Dr. Johnson.

Then, as I was saying, I had my follow-up with Dr. Johnson this week.  He took all of Dr. Monteith’s instructions very seriously, which I’m very pleased with.  Said everything was very thorough, and read to me exactly what I am to do when I get a positive pregnancy test.  Which is: get in to see him as soon as possible, start getting regular blood draws to check my hormone levels, and when they are high enough have an ultrasound to check for proper implantation of the embryo.  From then on, take care of myself and prepare for a baby!

Jarrod’s vasectomy reversal is scheduled for May 16th, so it won’t be long at all now!  He will post about his experience when it’s all said and done.  We’ve heard different things about how it will go afterwards.  Some people say it could take months for his sperm count to climb up to impregnation levels.  Some people say he has the chance at getting me pregnant right away.  But Jarrod and I both agree – it will happen when it happens.  We aren’t concerning ourselves with following a calendar or stressing out over any of it.  We both believe we will conceive soon enough.  If, after a year or so, nothing has happened yet, we will talk to the doctor about testing.  At this point, I think we would deny any fertility treatments if it came to that.  But that’s so far into the future right now… we figure we will cross that bridge if and when we come to it.

 

Featured Image: © Erica Wexler http://surrealismartbyericawexler.bigcartel.com/

No Escape From Iowa

The USA is buzzing with excitement over tax returns right now.  Everyone gets to go out and buy a brand new TV, new video game systems and other electronics, they’re getting new tattoos, clothes, vehicles, etc.  Most other years I was right there with the general public and giving all that tax money directly to the local retail stores.  But this year, it’s different.

Yes, we got a tax return, but we aren’t going and getting all the latest gadgets.

The ONE thing we had promised the kids we would do this year is go on a vacation.  We were discussing Florida, and everyone was quite excited about it.  Unfortunately, when we found out that my unemployment payments in 2017 cut into our refund more than I ever knew it would, we had to flush the dream of a family vacation on the beach right down the toilet (along with creating some guilt for both Jarrod and I for having to break that promise).

IowaWe had to face facts: the best we could do is keep paying our monthly bills with a small boost so we didn’t fall behind, and plan a mini-vacation closer to home.  So now we are looking at resort-style hotels within Iowa to go spend a night or two.  There is one place a couple hours away that has laser tag, bowling, go karts, an arcade, and an indoor water park that we’re looking into.  It sounds pretty fun to me, and the kids all seem to be on board with that idea.  But if for some reason that doesn’t work out or ends up being out of our price range, we’ll just stick to the Iowa State Fair later this summer, and perhaps a visit to Adventureland, our local amusement park.

I’d be lying if I said I was not disappointed, myself.  I have visited Florida the last 2 years, and I LOVE it there.  The ocean is spectacular.  I know for a fact 2 of my boys were really looking forward to going, and the girls seem rather let down that we aren’t going, as well.  But as it stands, we will just have to settle for Iowa.  As long as we can have fun together as a family, that is what REALLY matters, right?

Those are my thoughts for today.  Not all blog posts can be sunshine and rainbows… this IS real life afterall.  🙂  And if you’re an Iowa native and have any suggestions for awesome family fun within the state, please leave a comment/suggestion for us to look into.  Thanks in advance.

Laugh!

You might think that the life of a blogger is a non-stop series of sexy, celebrity-attended parties, a virtual whirlwind of drug and alcohol-fueled insanity that even famed raconteur Hunter S. Thompson might call excessive.  And you’d be right about that.  Nevertheless, sometimes we are called upon to do actual work, and be “responsible”.  And there has been a lot of that nonsense lately, which not only makes it hard to find the time and energy to write a blog post, but also tends to make life a little tedious…which, in turn, causes tempers to flare, motivation to dwindle, and attitudes and moods to turn to crap.  This time of year doesn’t help, either.  Winter shouldn’t even be a thing; the only thing that winter accomplishes is to make you appreciate summer a little more, which is a pretty substantial accomplishment considering summer also really, really sucks.  Really.  Sucks.  And don’t trust anyone who tries to tell you that it doesn’t.  (The views of Jarrod are not necessarily those of HesseLane or its subsidiaries).

But all is not lost.  Even though life, work, the very seasons of the planet upon which we live may all be trying to to rip out your soul, crumple it up and cram it into the nearest rubbish bin, you can still maintain your insanity by taking a more whimsical approach to the nightmarish hellscape we’re forced from birth to navigate and finding things to be amused by.  For example, I don’t really enjoy working; not just my job in particular, but ANY job.  In general, I can think of many, many thousands of things I’d rather be doing than working.  What I need is for someone to just send me large sums of money every so often, with no expectation that I’m ever going to provide any service to them in exchange for it.  Yeah, that’s what I need.

But until someone sees fit to do that, I have to work.  And since I do, it’s pretty helpful that I work with Shauna.  Not only do we work together, but he have practically the same schedules.  Sometimes that isn’t a good thing (more on that never).  Usually it IS a good thing, and here’s why:  we make each other laugh.  I’m one of those people who is constantly finding things amusing but rarely laughs out loud.  If I had a nickel for everytime I’ve typed “lol” and actually lol’d, I’d have, oh, about zero dollars and zero cents.  However, Shauna makes me laugh till I cry, and she does it pretty effortlessly.  From day one, she’s just kind of instinctively known what my sense of humor is and is able to tap into it…and I think the reason she has such an easy time with that is because it pretty seamlessly matches up with her own sense of humor.  Never does this particular connection between us come in more handy than when we’re at work, a place neither of us really want to be and which can sometimes put us both in a crappy mood.  Just the other night we were at work, and for some reason we began talking about cooking apple pies in the fryer.  Shauna escalated the absurdity of the conversation a little, and then I did, and then she did again, and soon were talking about dumping a whole box of apple pies in the fryer and then fishing them out with the baskets.  In that moment the zaniness of it all made me laugh uncontrollably, until tears were streaming down my face.  And it occured to me that I was getting paid to stand there and laugh myself silly.  Which I found myself very ok with.

Recently we were sitting in our bedroom when my youngest daughter Willow wandered in.  She was wearing leggings, and the tag on the back was annoying her; she wanted to know if I would cut the tag off.  A lot of times, you can just yank those tags off without the need for scissors or anything; they’re designed to just be ripped off.  maxresdefaultSo I grabbed the tag and attempted to dispose of it once and for all.  Unfortunately, it was attached a bit more securely than I had given it credit for, and, rather than ripping the tag off, I lifted Willow completely off the ground, giving her an ultrawedgie in the process.  The tag finally came off, but brought a giant chunk of the fabric from the butt of her leggings with it.  As I sat there in bed holding the tag with the lonely piece of fabric attached to it, and looking at the gaping hole in the butt of the leggings (big enough for Willows entire butt to fit through), I could have been annoyed that I had just ruined a perfectly good article of clothing.  But Shauna was laughing hysterically, as was Willow, and at that point, what could I do?  I laughed, gentle reader…I laughed.  And that’s all I’m saying.

Why This One?

Shauna and I started this blog about a month ago, and since that time we’ve talked a lot about the kinds of things we want to write about here.  It’ll essentially be a melting pot of ideas, likes, dislikes, family and job stuff, and just whatever else we feel like writing about.  A glimpse into our everyday lives, in other words.  And I love that idea; that is exactly the kind of blog I’d want to read from someone else.  One would think that, with that kind of broad outline, it’d be easy to come up with ideas for things to write about, because pretty much anything would be fair game.  But such is not the case.  Personally, I find myself plagued by really unhelpful thoughts, such as “you know, lots of people lead really crazy, eventful lives.  What makes you think your life is interesting enough to blog about?  Furthermore, what gives you the audacity to expect people to READ that blog, let alone tell other people to read it?  To expect people to stop their cars in traffic to read your latest post, and to send out mass texts to every friend, relative, co-worker, and minor acquaintance they have in their phone to tell THEM to read it?  Hmmm?”  Make no mistake:  I expect ALL of those things to happen, and since I’ve been trying to think of a topic to blog about anyway, I figure why not make this post about WHY I expect that.

Everyone has opinions, good and bad, and it’s in the nature of humans to want to share that opinion with other people.  Either to find someone who agrees with you and who validates the way you feel about something, or to find someone who disagrees and maybe makes you think of something in a different way that you never would have come to on your own.  However, the resources that people had to get their opinions heard used to be pretty limited and ineffective.  Short of scoring a job writing an opinion column in your local newspaper, or standing on a soapbox in the town square and shouting, there was no good way to make yourself heard to a large group of people.  Now, of course, it’s the easiest thing in the world to go on any social media site and say whatever is on your mind to a potential audience of millions.  Anyone can start a blog or vlog.  However, the ease with which you can do these things nowadays has made it clearer than ever before that not everyone has something worth saying.  Not everyone has an opinion that should be spoken aloud (and while we’re on the subject, there is such a thing as a wrong opinion.  We’re taught in school that that’s not the case, but OF COURSE it is.  “The Godfather is a bad movie” or “Donald Trump is a good president” would be examples of wrong opinions).  And so, to return to the point: why should you read this blog?  There are a million blogs you could be reading right now.  Why this one?

Shauna and I are real people.  We have small victories and defeats everyday.  We have to deal with chaos at our job, and then come home and deal with more (and often far worse) chaos.  Our kids are cool most of the time, but occasionally they are horrible, smelly beasts that consume or destroy everything in sight.  We have money, and then we pay bills and buy groceries and we have no money.  We communicate amazingly most of the time, but sometimes we don’t, and it sucks for a while and we deal with that.  We live in a house that has issues which we either get fixed or (much more likely) learn how to work around.  We make plans for our future, and then have to figure out how to make those plans a reality, and in the process of that sometimes our plans get changed, or disintegrate completely.  We struggle with health issues, appointments, anxiety over whether we’re spending enough time with our kids, what to have for dinner, where does all the fucking shredded cheese go because we just bought 3 bags like 2 days ago and it’s fucking GONE already?!?  IMG_1178We deal with all of these things, and a lot more, every day.  And if we’re dealing with them…then you’re dealing with them, too.  These are the things we all have to face every day.  Every.  Day.  This is Real Life.  And if you can read this blog and see that we have faced an issue that you’ve already faced, or are currently facing, and if we can convince you that you WILL get through that issue and come out on the other side laughing…well, there you go.  That’s “why this one”.

The twist ending to this post, which anyone could have seen coming, is that I wrote this to convince myself why it’s necessary to write it just as much as to convince you (and the tens of thousands of people you’re going to send our way) to read it.  A couple weeks ago, on a Saturday night, Shauna and I had to work till about 9 PM.  We got home and watched tv with the kids for a while.  Around 11 or so, Shauna investigated a weird smell and discovered that a room in our basement was filled about ankle deep with sewage.  Every time a sink, the dishwasher, the clothes washer, the shower, the toilets had drained for at least a few days, it had been going directly into this room.  Some phone calls were made, and someone came out to unplug the drain (never giving us a good explanation for why it had happened in the first place so that we could, you know, prevent it from happening again), and left us to deal with the disgusting mess that was left behind.  There wasn’t much that could really be done that night (by this time it was around 3 AM; we had to get up at 7 to work a 10 hour shift).  We eventually got it taken care of and all is well now.  I threw in this quick story to make the point that this type of thing might have been a devastating, apocalyptic event in another household.  In ours, not so much.  We took it in stride; the house smelled like shit (literally) for a few days, and then it didn’t, and we’ll probably barely remember it happened before long.  You get through it.  And you laugh.